Toile Out Toile In

I am hostile with the notion of structure. Perhaps the word itself provokes an image of constraint- a sort of rule set I inescapably must adhere. Structure seems to be the safety buffer from the internal toile of self-exploration, intellect, spirituality, transcendence, etc. Internal toile seems to be the mind freeing itself from constraints such as structures… and round and round I go! I find it difficult as an artist to work without structure. At the same time I find it debilitating fixating to structure. Balance the two! No doubt. But more the question- How does one truly balance the two? Be here fully present now (Ram Das), but let the mind free. Follow your bliss (J. Campbell), but understand the laws of nature. Duality seems to be the recurring theme. I do know I (probably like everyone else) find balance and happiness when I’m just busy enough. Busy enough to not be able to fixate on the myriad of things that debilitate me, or at the same time the myriad of things that inspire me. It feels as though it is impossible to find balance without structure. Structure is our master. The structure we create dictates the world around us. Assuming that man-made structures (i.e.- career ranks, roads, market prices, social interaction, education systems, food systems, medicine, government, etc.) are needed to progress and survive as a whole, where is the turning point where it becomes detrimental to humanity? I find I get irate when in the presence of someone highly patterned, trudging from task to task. There seems a lack of mindfulness- meaning a full understanding and complete experience in their own life. It has an aura of avoidance from something. What is that something? The self? The internal toile perhaps that most of us fear? It seems the more we attach to a structure, the further from our humanity we get. I watch this person go from task to task, agenda to agenda struggling with some, and flowing with others. Refined in appearance and speech, proud (proud of the “self” no doubt.), this person is unperturbed by anything or anyone except the challenges the chores bring them. They seem unable to stop to just look you in the eye. They toile and toile on in their order. I suppose my question is simple, “Is it better to toile over the outside things or the inside things?”