I’d say I’m intrigued or rather obsessed with the notion of
love and hate in relationships. Loving a partner, loving a business colleague,
loving an enemy. From time to time (very rarely actually) as a cruel trick to myself I’ll pop open
Facebook and read every single post. The random daily tasks that others think we’re
all interested in, the pontification of views that shouldn’t be spewed out. The
notion of someone bragging about his or her success in one way or another. I do
this because I shouldn’t be responding as poorly as I do. I challenge myself to
read into the personalities of others (or the image they want me to believe)
and use my response to trigger my own self-growth. For instance, seeing the
adornment of someone whom I feel has degenerate moral stances. My first
response is always jealous, bitter, and angry, and generally furious at the
cosmic spin of things. But this test is perfect in challenging a spiritual view
of causality. I first want to understand why I am so affected by this and why a
point of acceptance seems so distant. This internal dialogue and exploration is
to me what truly creates freedom in my own path. No doubt the easiest method is
to shut out the negative catalyst. Do not open Facebook! But I seem to be of the
character of running to the fire than away from it. I don’t know why I am like
this. Perhaps where there is the most heat and light there is the most
universal energy. I do know that the biggest conflicts in us bring about the greatest
transformation, and perhaps my need to progress while in this body drives me
more than any material goal. Perhaps I’m full of shit and I’m just looking for
trouble. Either way it’s an opportunity for internal promotions. I find it interesting
those those that move up the corporate ladder seem to rarely transform
internally, they just seem to get better at attaining material power. And those
who work internally seem to live more humble lives with little to no material
power. Yes Hollywood would have us believe otherwise, as all those successful
actors and rock stars inspirationally develop their internal journey… Sure, it
makes sense once all possible material goals have been not only achieved but
also well surpassed. Fair enough. Better late than never. Ultimately this shows
me that we are all lead to one place in the end. Me. Or the lack of me. Or the
need to be me. Or I’m sick of me. Or me as the source of me.
Now back to loving a partner… I once heard someone say
relationships are not reliable, work is. I find that notion honest and intriguing.
But does this mean that the work of a relationship is reliable? Yes, clearly
other human beings are not responsible for your happiness. But if “I” am than I
surely can be responsible for my role in any relationship. We love than we
hate. We convince ourselves that nothing can go wrong in some relationships and
then does. We assume other relationships are unreliable then we end up creating
the greatest partnerships with those people. What does it all mean? It means
things evolve in every direction. People turn ugly to us as our perspective
views them as such. So when I look at that “enemy” on Facebook who is being
adored and I dread him/her for it, I rewind my focus to the start of our
relationship whatever it may have been, and I think what direction I travelled in
from then to now. I take responsibility for my choices and direction, as well
as my feelings in the moment. I remain present and simply connect the dots of
causality as to why he/she and I is where we are right now. The now that is
constantly evolving. Make no mistake of an indelible truth- Change is constant
so you can bet we will be taking turns at the top of the totem pole. It all
comes around in the end… it always does and always did, yet we constantly doubt
it as if we never experienced it. Perhaps we need to pay more attention?
