Electronic musical instrument?

It's absurd to think that “electronic music” is taking the place of instrumentalists, and that it is not much different than that of playing a video game, (as if the electronic world is nothing more than plug and play sounds.) If sound reaction is truly what we are supposed to be after as musicians than how can we stop that search from an organic growth in the digital realm? It’s not that I am saying the sounds we find through traditional analog instruments is at its limits, I’d just say that the electronic world seems to be adding an infinite view to this notion. I would test the musician that says electronic music is no more than “pops and squeaks” to be aware of his/her own hypocrisy in finding sound possibilities that evoke things out of us. Not licks, sound! What then is the musical search ultimately? Is it popularity? Culture? Story telling? All of those things are great in the scheme of making music, but it does always come down to a sound. Just how moved we are by film scores. Turn off the music- few tears. Turn on the music- gushing tears. Music is something that evokes “Godliness” inside of us. We cannot explain it (yet), and we’d rather not. But as music-artists, how much of our search is related to sound or vibration study, and how much is just recycling the same old shit in the name of tradition, trend, acceptance, etc. I’d say that all those who pay homage to eras of music are no more than conservation societies. I have a difficult time calling that work “art” in any way. Except to give them the notion of expression as art; like how a concert pianist interprets a Beethoven sonata, etc. But as far as those writing, improvising, etc., the most important thing will always be sound. In essence that is how pop music disguises its regurgitation. Even I enjoy a good techno tune, or a band that decides to mish mash the amp frequencies, but play the same four chords. Truth is I have no problem with any of these notions, including a 50’s music society. I do however have an issue with un-evolved artistic views verging on hypocrisy. One day people thought what Ray Charles was doing was blasphemous as well as absurd. He now will always be an artistic national treasure. I am sure the first caveman to paint on walls was hailed as crazy, yet we preserve those paintings now with passion. And Van Gogh… I think the pattern is clear. As for my choice, I ‘d like to believe I would be of the few appreciating Van Gogh while he was still working.

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On my break from working a Broadway two show day I couldn’t figure out what I could do to kill the 3 hours in between shows. After doing some reading (about salesman if you’d believe it) I decided to grab a plate from a local NYC deli and get an espresso. The espresso will definitely help with my sagging physical energy, but not much more than that. Upon entering the deli a typical New York scene occurred. A man asked if I could get him something to eat. My knee jerk was an instant no. As I wandered around deciding what to eat self disgust came over me. The image of the man on the ouside in the cold looking in at the abundant buffet was all too familiar. How many times have I been “there.” The outside looking in while no one cared about my despair. And yes, it has been for food as well in the past. I paced around the deli thinking what if I let this man pick anything he wanted (within reason) from the deli. What if I asked about his life and despair? What if I treated another human being like a human being regardless of my shallow fear of being duped- which is of course absurd and a fear all of us drum up to substantiate the greed we are all used to. In a minute I saw no downside. I went back outside and asked the man questions about his day and life. What was he going through? Why is he begging? What was his past like? How did he end up here? He answered all of this with what I felt was an undeniable integrity, but I will keep the stories between us. I drew parallels to my own life- regret, failure, isolation, and hunger. To be frank, we can all draw parallels to our lives. It doesn’t matter if the man was just lazy or didn’t mind begging as opposed to working. I am not a judge. How hopeless have all of us been at times? How much do we want to believe that help and compassion exists from strangers? I suppose I needed to make that true.

Help does exist. Man shares everything with each other. I needed to believe that something “real” exists under the bright lights of time square. I needed to know I was capable of creating this “real”. I need to remember that we all could create this “real.” How? If we simply choose to. I know that a dollar given is two in return.

There is no colder city than New York. People so close to each other yet as far away as a neighboring planet. I just needed to believe again. I needed to believe there is more than the man made lights of Broadway. So I made it so. That is the only way I am different than anyone.

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I’d say I’m intrigued or rather obsessed with the notion of love and hate in relationships. Loving a partner, loving a business colleague, loving an enemy. From time to time (very rarely actually) as a cruel trick to myself I’ll pop open Facebook and read every single post. The random daily tasks that others think we’re all interested in, the pontification of views that shouldn’t be spewed out. The notion of someone bragging about his or her success in one way or another. I do this because I shouldn’t be responding as poorly as I do. I challenge myself to read into the personalities of others (or the image they want me to believe) and use my response to trigger my own self-growth. For instance, seeing the adornment of someone whom I feel has degenerate moral stances. My first response is always jealous, bitter, and angry, and generally furious at the cosmic spin of things. But this test is perfect in challenging a spiritual view of causality. I first want to understand why I am so affected by this and why a point of acceptance seems so distant. This internal dialogue and exploration is to me what truly creates freedom in my own path. No doubt the easiest method is to shut out the negative catalyst. Do not open Facebook! But I seem to be of the character of running to the fire than away from it. I don’t know why I am like this. Perhaps where there is the most heat and light there is the most universal energy. I do know that the biggest conflicts in us bring about the greatest transformation, and perhaps my need to progress while in this body drives me more than any material goal. Perhaps I’m full of shit and I’m just looking for trouble. Either way it’s an opportunity for internal promotions. I find it interesting those those that move up the corporate ladder seem to rarely transform internally, they just seem to get better at attaining material power. And those who work internally seem to live more humble lives with little to no material power. Yes Hollywood would have us believe otherwise, as all those successful actors and rock stars inspirationally develop their internal journey… Sure, it makes sense once all possible material goals have been not only achieved but also well surpassed. Fair enough. Better late than never. Ultimately this shows me that we are all lead to one place in the end. Me. Or the lack of me. Or the need to be me. Or I’m sick of me. Or me as the source of me.

Now back to loving a partner… I once heard someone say relationships are not reliable, work is. I find that notion honest and intriguing. But does this mean that the work of a relationship is reliable? Yes, clearly other human beings are not responsible for your happiness. But if “I” am than I surely can be responsible for my role in any relationship. We love than we hate. We convince ourselves that nothing can go wrong in some relationships and then does. We assume other relationships are unreliable then we end up creating the greatest partnerships with those people. What does it all mean? It means things evolve in every direction. People turn ugly to us as our perspective views them as such. So when I look at that “enemy” on Facebook who is being adored and I dread him/her for it, I rewind my focus to the start of our relationship whatever it may have been, and I think what direction I travelled in from then to now. I take responsibility for my choices and direction, as well as my feelings in the moment. I remain present and simply connect the dots of causality as to why he/she and I is where we are right now. The now that is constantly evolving. Make no mistake of an indelible truth- Change is constant so you can bet we will be taking turns at the top of the totem pole. It all comes around in the end… it always does and always did, yet we constantly doubt it as if we never experienced it. Perhaps we need to pay more attention?

Armstrong And Us...

I felt the need to chime in about the Armstrong doping allegations of sorts, as I’ve been getting a good amount mail from friends about this topic…

Being a past competitive cyclist this notion is dear to me on several levels. It truly does pertain to all of our lives. And as some of you already know my position, I have no distain or negative judgment towards doping cyclists, Armstrong, et al.

It has come out (and to no surprise to me) that Lance Armstrong took performance-enhancing drugs according to USADA (a very reliable entity). He maintains his innocence but has confessed to resolve his situation with USADA.  He’ll be stripped of his Tour De France titles. He’ll be stripped of his reputation for helping people fight cancer (which I have seen first hand), as well as all he’s done for cancer research. And of course stripped of all good he’s done for the sport of cycling, and those around him.

For those of you who don’t know anything about cycling but the “drugs and cheating” here’s a quick lesson. A pack of 100+ riders rolls out onto a course of 100 miles or so. To stay in the pack is the key (the air draft). That means one must ride at the strength of the pack firstly to have any chance at winning. One must ride at the pace of the pack to simply have a job. It’s really quite simple. You can’t hang… you’re out!

The drug culture in cycling is no different than our everyday cultural morals. A high percentage of rider’s objective is to just keep their job, stay in the pack, and stay competitive- stay in a career you’ve been training for since childhood. How different is this to the thousands of ways we prostitute ourselves in our own careers to either keep our jobs, or get ahead? From cronyism to deceit for a job position, to false character- how different are any of us?

It seems the prospective of human culture is to destroy those who have succeeded by the very means we all have moralistically created and accepted. We are not going to clean up cycling by witch-hunts. We are not going to clean up our corrupt ways by isolating a few cheaters as to think it will put the rest of us in such a fear of our own moral degenerations that we all will start behaving angelical.

How do I feel about Lance? You’re as innocent as the rest of us. You were smarter and more cunning than those who created the culture in cycling before you. You grew up as trailer trash from a single mother and worked your way into the world’s sporting collective unconscious. You rode more intelligently than any rider in the past (yes including Eddie Merckx), and changed the sport’s approach forever. You fought and beat cancer, giving hopes to millions during this epidemic. You inspired fitness and wellbeing in so many. Above all you reminded us that nothing is impossible, and even with your own self inflated ambition you still provided so much to the rest of the world.

They say that what we dread in others is truly what we dread in ourselves. I ask myself, where am I “doping” in my life? We must find the areas where we are morally degenerate. We are no different than Lance, Clemens, Bonds, or Marion, as we produced them. It is only till we realize this notion that moral change can really occur in cycling and beyond.

Truly,

Don Peretz