Toile Out Toile In

I am hostile with the notion of structure. Perhaps the word itself provokes an image of constraint- a sort of rule set I inescapably must adhere. Structure seems to be the safety buffer from the internal toile of self-exploration, intellect, spirituality, transcendence, etc. Internal toile seems to be the mind freeing itself from constraints such as structures… and round and round I go! I find it difficult as an artist to work without structure. At the same time I find it debilitating fixating to structure. Balance the two! No doubt. But more the question- How does one truly balance the two? Be here fully present now (Ram Das), but let the mind free. Follow your bliss (J. Campbell), but understand the laws of nature. Duality seems to be the recurring theme. I do know I (probably like everyone else) find balance and happiness when I’m just busy enough. Busy enough to not be able to fixate on the myriad of things that debilitate me, or at the same time the myriad of things that inspire me. It feels as though it is impossible to find balance without structure. Structure is our master. The structure we create dictates the world around us. Assuming that man-made structures (i.e.- career ranks, roads, market prices, social interaction, education systems, food systems, medicine, government, etc.) are needed to progress and survive as a whole, where is the turning point where it becomes detrimental to humanity? I find I get irate when in the presence of someone highly patterned, trudging from task to task. There seems a lack of mindfulness- meaning a full understanding and complete experience in their own life. It has an aura of avoidance from something. What is that something? The self? The internal toile perhaps that most of us fear? It seems the more we attach to a structure, the further from our humanity we get. I watch this person go from task to task, agenda to agenda struggling with some, and flowing with others. Refined in appearance and speech, proud (proud of the “self” no doubt.), this person is unperturbed by anything or anyone except the challenges the chores bring them. They seem unable to stop to just look you in the eye. They toile and toile on in their order. I suppose my question is simple, “Is it better to toile over the outside things or the inside things?” 

Bringing The Monster With Us (On Vacation)

I am in a typical east coast, rocky, marshy, buggy, bustling beach vacationing town. And in the worst time to visit possible… dead smack in the middle of summer. This place is filled with families. Families that are trying to escape the city I would assume. Yet the pace is faster than rush hour in Shanghai (I exaggerate). The restaurant offerings are bland, boring, and childish at best. And the game and family activities seem to drone on a theme of mindlessness custom built for the seeker of mindlessness. And thousands are here to partake in this phenomenon! Ok, enough judgment and subjectivity, I do apologize.

It would seem logical to me that the word vacation would evoke a calm, quiet, special “me” time. What urges us to seek crowded areas? Is it the landscape? i.e.- We all love water in the summer and beach towns happen to be crowded during the summer. Is it being around people? Oh yes, we seem to do so well with this in our normal day life (that’s sarcasm), why not find it on vacation? It seems we completely miss the need to be with ourselves… quietly. I find so many people self-righteously using the term, “I have to keep my mind occupied so my head stays straight.” It is as though the mind is this evil thing that must be fed or it will run rampant and destroy us. No wonder we live in constant fear. We create these habits by our chosen perspectives. For such a brave, prideful country we seem to fear stillness as though it is a cancer that will destroy us. We adapt to the franticness so much that calm, clarity, and relaxation become the enemy. Most people do not even sleep well. Too much down time I suppose. There are times I am in a public place, and literally do nothing but observe. I either stand or sit in an inconspicuous area observing myself, and my surroundings. 9 out of 10 times I get a look of strangeness from anyone walking by. A sort of distain like, “You seem threatening! What’s your agenda?” or “Find something to do!” I am, and I am doing it. How am I less productive than a random errand that you, for whatever reason, make ultra substantial? Or a board game with the family? As if those lessons in Monopoly money will set the CEO path of your child in motion. I find the miniature golfers, and card game families to mistake mental masturbation to productivity and connection. Are we fearing what we may find if we listen to ourselves? It’s the monster in the dark syndrome transferred into adult life. You know, the monster is there and when you turn on the light he’s gone! Same thing… if I keep mentally distracted, no monster. Stop for a minute, monster appears. There is no monster. Really there is no dark or light. There is you and there was only you. There will only be you. You will always be there. You are actually there now. And “you” are who you are always minding even if your Uno game is on fire at the moment. How about resting and listening to the “you” that is giving you life?

Pleaser

It is impossible to please all. Is it possible to please the self? Is pleasing what the aim should be? Pleasing is so subjective it moves with time and space. Do I please for a reward? Do I NEED to be pleased with myself, or others for that matter? Can anything provide constant please? Would I want to be constantly pleased? It would give me nothing to tussle with. I’d say, “Do what you please. Please what you do. And do what you want with please.” 

Money To Do

Money is to do stuff. Money piling up is money wasted. Power from this pile is the perception of the ignorant. The ignorant give the wealthy their status. The wealthy are generally miserable, because you would be too if you had to center your life on protecting a pile of cash that you could only use in theory. Be sympathetic to your local, confused  billionaire.  

Meditation And Music Study

I have ALL my students meditate- from the elementary school beginner to the aspiring professional. What is meditation ultimately? Mindfulness. Focus. Internal awareness. Clarity. Stillness. Theses are all attributes that are vital to a student beyond the music lesson. In today’s multi-tasking society mindfulness and focus is paramount. What instrument study and meditation create is a mind-body training to be fully engulfed in your work, enhancing learning capabilities as well as creativity. Distractions run amuck these days. Students are constantly struggling with simply keeping attention. Many sociologists believe we are designing an ADHD society. The answer is in the paradox. One must learn and train to think in a singular fashion. Truth is it is biologically impossible to do otherwise. For example, learning drum set is about four-limb coordination. (You know, the rubbing of your belly while you pat your head kind of thing.) Truth is the method is actually “interdependence”. The idea that all limbs work together as one, but seem independent. So the irony is… To play an instrument where four-limb coordination is key a student must train singular focus to achieve success learning. Even a 60 second breathing meditation produces huge leaps in their development. The students who then take the meditation practice to academic and sports activities have found great success. For years I have worked with ADHD students in musical study. The notion of having a low pressure, positive, creative environment to grow in leads to great success beyond the lessons (some ceased to use medication all together). Shawn Anchor, a Harvard professor found meditation to positively affect ADHD students both academically as well as emotionally. The idea is simple. Meditation positively trains focus and mindfulness, a tool vital in learning music and being creative. The more one puts in and gets out of their music study, the more that success transfers to all areas of their life.