12112

On my break from working a Broadway two show day I couldn’t figure out what I could do to kill the 3 hours in between shows. After doing some reading (about salesman if you’d believe it) I decided to grab a plate from a local NYC deli and get an espresso. The espresso will definitely help with my sagging physical energy, but not much more than that. Upon entering the deli a typical New York scene occurred. A man asked if I could get him something to eat. My knee jerk was an instant no. As I wandered around deciding what to eat self disgust came over me. The image of the man on the ouside in the cold looking in at the abundant buffet was all too familiar. How many times have I been “there.” The outside looking in while no one cared about my despair. And yes, it has been for food as well in the past. I paced around the deli thinking what if I let this man pick anything he wanted (within reason) from the deli. What if I asked about his life and despair? What if I treated another human being like a human being regardless of my shallow fear of being duped- which is of course absurd and a fear all of us drum up to substantiate the greed we are all used to. In a minute I saw no downside. I went back outside and asked the man questions about his day and life. What was he going through? Why is he begging? What was his past like? How did he end up here? He answered all of this with what I felt was an undeniable integrity, but I will keep the stories between us. I drew parallels to my own life- regret, failure, isolation, and hunger. To be frank, we can all draw parallels to our lives. It doesn’t matter if the man was just lazy or didn’t mind begging as opposed to working. I am not a judge. How hopeless have all of us been at times? How much do we want to believe that help and compassion exists from strangers? I suppose I needed to make that true.

Help does exist. Man shares everything with each other. I needed to believe that something “real” exists under the bright lights of time square. I needed to know I was capable of creating this “real”. I need to remember that we all could create this “real.” How? If we simply choose to. I know that a dollar given is two in return.

There is no colder city than New York. People so close to each other yet as far away as a neighboring planet. I just needed to believe again. I needed to believe there is more than the man made lights of Broadway. So I made it so. That is the only way I am different than anyone.